Happiness

What is happiness really is?

When I were in primary school,
happiness is when "Ayah" bought me an ice cream.
Happiness is when "Mak" made my favorite "bihun hailam".
Happiness is when I could skip the KAFA classes.
Happiness is when me and my brother could go to waterfall or swimming pool.
Happiness is when I could run free under the rain.
Happiness is when I could top the class.
Happiness is when I get 5 A in UPSR.
Happiness is when I could spend days after UPSR hanging out with friends.

When I were in lower form,
happiness is when they voted me to be "Penolong Ketua Tingkatan".
Happiness is when I were appointed as prefect.
Happiness is when I got a clique of best friends.
Happiness is when I fall in love with this guy.
Happiness is when I first started debating.
Happiness is when I became Head Facilitator for "Program Guru Muda".
Happiness is when I topped the whole form.
Happiness is when I got 8 A in PMR.
Happiness is the days I spent after PMR to help teachers and juniors.

When I got into higher form,
happiness is not when I were appointed as "Penolong Ketua Pengawas".
Happiness is not when I championed all public speaking competitions.
Happiness is not when they voted me to be President of Red Crescent.
Happiness is not when I got all the position I used to dream of being.
Happiness is not when I got 10 A in SPM.
Happiness is nothing.
Everything is nothing.

The fake smiles and the shallow joy,
the painful time I pretended to enjoy.
The high position and the huge responsibility,
those causing me tension instead of happy.
The friends that used to be hanging around,
are no longer anywhere to be found.
The one who pledged to be a loyal lover,
found someone else to say "I love you forever".
I used to be very confused of life. I am always asking myself "how does happy really feels?". I still remember the day my SPM's result was out. I could see those getting seven to eight As leaping with joy and screaming. Some were shedding tears of happiness.

But mine was a different story. I already knew my result early in the morning because the teachers informed me through phone. By the time I went to school and took my result, instead of feeling happy, I just think about getting into university. At that time, I realize that after 2 years of stress and isolation, I really had forgot about how happy should be.

Now that I am already in university, I finally know my definition of happiness. I am happy when people I love are happy. It sounds so cliche is it? But, trust me, I had not been more honest than this. After 19 years of living, I now realized that I were so happy when I got 5 A and 8 A in UPSR and PMR because my parents were happy. I were so happy back in my lower forms because I have many friends and they were courting each other.

I am now happy to hear people laughing. I am happy to see my friends smiling. :)