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Do you remember when I used to yell so loud at you? I threw away your things and deleted everything that could remind me of you.

Soon after, I started to miss you. Your voice, your texts, your presence seemed impossible to be threw away. I started feeling so guilty. I missed you so much.

But, you really dumped me. You found a new girl. Every time I saw you, she would be around. You even made sure that I would be seeing it when you are with her. Do you know how painful it was for me? I could feel my heart being pricked again and again. I tried not to feel anything but every time no one is watching, I would be crying. For the first time in my life, I learn the painful lessons of a broken heart.

I told myself that I need to forget you.

I need to be on my own.

After all, you were no longer there for me.

Years went on. I were close with most of my males friends. Simply because I like the no-fussy attitudes of them. Though some might assume that I am that desperate of boys.

Then one day, I looked up and there you are, a bag in your hand under the pouring rain. I gave you my umbrella, but you said you don't need it.

We went for a late lunch together. I waited for you to tell me why you were there. But you did not. And then I sent you off to the bus stop. You did not allow me to go further because it was raining. I watched you running under the rain with that bag covering your head and I swear that was the second time I fell in love. The first was when I saw you walking back from the bookstore, 7 years ago.

You have no idea what I have been through without you.
And I have no idea what you have been through without me.
I just want to love you again.
I want to feel the old eager feelings of waiting for your calls.
I want to be able to talk with you for hours.
I want to call you all those weird stupid names.
I want to freely express all those troubling thoughts inside me to you.
I want to love you. I really do.
But the old feelings won't come back.

I know this must end some days. We could not continue texting each other with dry languages and pretend like we care about each other.

I don't want to lose you. I love you. But, why does it feels so wrong?