We have been friends for 10 years and I have spent the previous 8 years falling for you. You're a very nice guy, you have been nice with all the girls in the school. In facts, I think you have been acting sweet and charming with all the girls you have met that sometimes I couldn't stop pondering how many more girls had been trapped by your charms and ended up like me.

Many of us might have experience how hard it feels to make a choice in life. We travel along this path named life, having to decide on almost everything from what to eat to what we want to be in the future. Career, lifestyles, studies; these are the things that we always have to choose. And speaking about life, there exists such things as white and black. But, they are not the only things. Sometimes, yet most of the times, grey would be stuck in the middle. Having no boundaries, only your choice could determine how much of the black territories that the grey is taking and otherwise. That is how hard making decision is.

But, do you know that it is harder when you have no choice? No black or white or grey or any other intermediaries colors from that stupid turquoise to the infamous magenta who always annoy the hell out of you every time you asked your friends to help buying the blue and red wrapping papers. Do you know how I wish this feeling could fade as time goes by ? Yet, it is getting stronger no matter how hard I try.

I threw away all the things you gave me, I deleted the only picture of us back in our Form 2, I went on from the secluded me to some other person who jokes around and teases people. I want to forget you. I really do.

And then, you came back. Travelling far with heavy luggage and humongous backpack. Got down at LRT Cheras, fooled by the taxi's driver who sent you to my condo's back gate. It was pouring heavily when you arrived at the guardhouse there, where the guards won't let you in. So, again, carrying the luggage, you went climbing the stairs beside to get to the front door.

I tried to act cool. Pretending like you're a kind old friend who came to visit. Everything went normal until that time when I bid you farewell. Watching you running under the rain beside the McD with the bag raised high under your head, I felt a sharp feeling of pain. Like I'm losing something inside myself. I never felt that way. You know, that feeling like your heart is dropping, pulling together all the organs inside your peritoneum cavity down to the abdominopelvic.

Couldn't you just let me to be at peace?
Why did every time I am happy with my life, you need to come haunting like a ghost from the past? Why did every time your image is fading, you would come paying me a visit?

Stop coming back. You don't know how does it feels dating someone who always have his eyes on your prettier best friends. You don't know how does it feels when he always find better, prettier girls to be with and only when he is bored, he came back to you ! You know how does it feels to always be the last choice on his list?

You hated him so much yet you hate yourself more for not being able to delete him off your history.

You have been tough all your life.

You have been strong all your life.